You will poop rainbows.

WTF IS THIS?

There is probably not a single one of you people who hasn't played Adultswim's "Robot Unicorn Attack" yet but there might still be one or two out there. Robot Unicorn Attack is a classical vertical running game in which the player must dodge objects, jump past gaps and dash through solid objects. When I first heard of this game I was like "meh, whatever".When I first saw the start screen (fig. 1) I was kind of questioning the sexual preferences of my best friend, who suggested the game to me.
But once you go in and the music starts (Always by Erasure) and you hear the first few lines you're caught.

THE COLOURS...

Because what this game does is kinda weird. Even though the colour scheme is... well girlish to say the least and the music is rather... soft, I was caught. Even though I exclusively wear black and listen to blackmetal to progressive. But whatever, the movements of that robot unicorn are smooth and seem nice and all in all its just a working concept.

Also the slight touch of creepyness - at certain points the game tells you that "all is hopeless" and "you will die.

Note the tear. A cut off robot head, that cries. Classic.

That doesn't quite seem to fit the concept at all.
I just don't get this game, especially because it doesnt fit into Adultswim's toilet humor and sort of gore games (which are completely fine with me). I just really have no clue what this is all about.
Oh the game is great btw.

*Insert Queens "Bicycle Race" here.*

I love being a freelancer and being able to review the games I want. Here is another great Kongregate one: "Cyclo Maniacs". It was created by LongAnimals & RobotJam, who are known for cute, original characters, reappearing in many of their games. The game itself can be found HERE.

The title screen gives you a bit of an idea what's to come.

So let's get in there, shall we? You start off with a single playable character, an average biker on a normal bike and a single available track. On this track (as on any other track) you have three achievements to complete. But unlike most other games these aren't just for prestige: they also bring you new characters and new tracks to play on, so finishing first is not always that important. Actually, it doesn't matter at all as long as it's not the achievement you want to work on right now.
The controls are pretty simple. You can accelerate, brake, jump and lean forward or backward, making wheelies or even loopings once you're off the ground.
Careful though: turn too far or not far enough and you'll spread that beautiful face of yours all over the place like liver-sausage on pumpernickl.

Many areas, many levels.

After a while you get the hang of it and quickly gain all characters, upgrades and tracks. And by quickly I mean it takes 8 fucking hours but you wont notice because this game is so god damn addictive.
I am serious. The easy controls, the nicely done difficulty curve and the funny characters, plus the fact that you'll be ripping combos like a mad cunt once you managed to get Ron.
I am serious, that guys power level is way beyond 9000 when it comes down to summersaults, like mine when we're talking about uhm... doing nothing really.
Anyway, where was I going with this? I don't even know anymore. Unfortunately my computer deleted my savegame for this one, so I had to start from scrap for the screenshots, which is sad. I had the thing played through man, like, all the way (what does it mean?).

Love me tender? Screw that. Buttfucktrain on the way.

Enough said. Play the game already.